Blegh!

[saraste]

I will be trying to lessen my online time from now on.

I'm currently spending 6-10 hours online depending from the day and it isn't healthy anymore. I've started to have trouble falling asleep, I can't concentrate and if I need two cups of coffee just to keep me up in the mornings then I'm just too beat up.

And all escalated today as I cried on my mums shoulder because of my fatigue, the resulting indecisiveness, my life and things in general. I really should know better than to call her when I'm in this state, I cried through the last third of the call. I hate that I'm worrying my mother so that I have to hear her say "And you are sure you won't do anything to yourself?". She's really fearing me doing something drastic. She knows I could pull it through since she knows I know the basics of how to off myself. In moments like these I hate myself.

So... Two hours online time per day, tops. Tomorrow I'll break it though since I have to get my applications sorted.

And maybe then I'll get back to the things I used to do like reading, drawing and knitting. I need to do it before I start to hate my life to a point where...

          .... I'd become depressed enough to actually do something drastic because of the way my life is.

Comments

[alzilur.livejournal.com]

Whoa...don't be so depressed coz u're making me depressed too. I would mourn ur lack of time on the net from now on but please don't forget me. *tossed a fluffy sesshy to saraste* will this cheer u up a bit????

[saraste-impi.livejournal.com]

It wouldn't be lack of time, just less time. It's affecting my RL too much. If I ever want to graduate, not off myself, have a balanced life, be able to sleep soundly I need to do it.

Sorry to have depressed you!*huggles*

Fluffy! Eeek! *grabs him and whisks him away*

[alzilur.livejournal.com]

I feel bad when my friends feel bad...all u need is a full rest and sleep.

Have u check ur inbox?

[saraste-impi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, no all-nighters online anymore and no hanging in the Net till 3 am...*pout*

I do too.

Yes I have, will beta right away!