Antisocial - Am I?
Apr. 14th, 2007 01:52 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
sarasteI just denied an invitation to a party my sister is throwing in celebration of her boyfriends birthday.
She claimed I was anti-social when I didn't want to stay (I just went there to loan her the jug I'd promised so she could make sangria into it...)
I said to her that the last time I was social it lead bad things. It did, really.
I have a number of reasons I didn't stay:
a) They're serving cheese cake which I really can't stomach since I'm lactose intolerant and would have to eat tablets not to get terrible side-effects..
b) They're going to drink sangria. I don't drink. Being the only one sober = not enjoyable.
c) There'll be many people there. Me and people don't match. I'm chronically shy in RL.
d) This is absolutely quite irrelevant but the last time I was social it eventually led to me cutting a person off my life for the first time in my adult life. It didn't feel completely good but it was necessary.
e) I slept really bad last night and have had 'bad sleep' night for most of the week. Result: I'm cranky, tired and emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat.
I know me being this anti-social is fairly ridiculous but I just can't seem to help it. It's the result of having been bullied at school (which was almost ten years ago but I still hurt), being timid and self-conscious, disliking crowds of people, being the kind of person that I actively restrain myself from getting to be 'normal' and my new found identity that I'm worried will get slashed at bu people who are prejudiced.
And in the end, they're my sister's friends, not mine. I do understand her worry. I've hardly made any new friends at the university and am not sociable at all. But it's my problem not hers.
She claimed I was anti-social when I didn't want to stay (I just went there to loan her the jug I'd promised so she could make sangria into it...)
I said to her that the last time I was social it lead bad things. It did, really.
I have a number of reasons I didn't stay:
a) They're serving cheese cake which I really can't stomach since I'm lactose intolerant and would have to eat tablets not to get terrible side-effects..
b) They're going to drink sangria. I don't drink. Being the only one sober = not enjoyable.
c) There'll be many people there. Me and people don't match. I'm chronically shy in RL.
d) This is absolutely quite irrelevant but the last time I was social it eventually led to me cutting a person off my life for the first time in my adult life. It didn't feel completely good but it was necessary.
e) I slept really bad last night and have had 'bad sleep' night for most of the week. Result: I'm cranky, tired and emotional. I cry at the drop of a hat.
I know me being this anti-social is fairly ridiculous but I just can't seem to help it. It's the result of having been bullied at school (which was almost ten years ago but I still hurt), being timid and self-conscious, disliking crowds of people, being the kind of person that I actively restrain myself from getting to be 'normal' and my new found identity that I'm worried will get slashed at bu people who are prejudiced.
And in the end, they're my sister's friends, not mine. I do understand her worry. I've hardly made any new friends at the university and am not sociable at all. But it's my problem not hers.
